Divorce makes people angry. There's no getting around it. The problem lies in holding onto that anger like a security blanket. How many of us know a bitter divorcee? You know what I'm talking about.
You can't mention their ex-spouse's name without hearing a rant. They bring up their ex-spouse in every conversation just to have another opportunity to lash out at them. Got the picture? Of course you do. Today, let's focus on 3 reasons why holding onto that anger is not a good choice for you or your children.
1. It imprisons you in the past This is anger about a relationship that is not in your future, it is ONLY in your past. You may be co-parenting with your ex-spouse and have a connection to them in that way, but no longer are you romantically linked with them.
Holding onto the anger keeps you focused on what could or should have been. There are broken dreams with the death of any marriage. It also keeps you focused on only the bad things that happened in the relationship. When we are this angry, things that fuel that anger are all we focus on. It's as if we have glasses on with a lens that filters out any happy times in order to continue feeding that anger.
2. It doesn't allow you to move forward You aren't able to focus on the possibilities that lie ahead of you. All you can see are aspects of that past relationship. Holding onto the pain from that broken relationship is also a result.
Wherever you go you carry around that extra baggage of pain. Would you be interested in dating someone who spends all their time bad mouthing their ex-spouse? 3. Ultimately holding onto that anger hurts your children Your children love both of you very much. That aspect has not changed for them just because the two of you are no longer married. Children are very adept at knowing when their parents are fighting whether it's done right in front of them or not. It is very confusing for kids when these two people they love are at odds.
They can't make sense of how this is possible. This confusion typically creates a lot of anxiety for children. In response to that anxiety, frequently they take on the responsibility of maintaining the peace rather than just being children. Is it wrong to be angry? No! Anger is an emotion and emotions just happen without our control. What we do have control over is how we react to the emotion! You have a choice to make.
No, this is not an easy process and it doesn't just happen overnight.
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